found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
