end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
