I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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