five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
