You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
