i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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