There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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