I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
