omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
