I think i sorta joined a cult last night
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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