How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
