I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it because I queefed?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
