You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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