U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
