Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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