everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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