We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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