Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
