How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
