Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am one with the molecules
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
