We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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