so explain again why im purple
no
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
