one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
