How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
