it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
