you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
