He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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