now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
