i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
