I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
