How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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