You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
