things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
