hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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