I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Randomize
