i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
