God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
