Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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