Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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