About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
