I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
