you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
