and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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