You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize