im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
