JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
