Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you inspire me to be a worse person
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
