Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
