420 ftw
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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