Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize