paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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