I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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