I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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