I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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