my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
