I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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