I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize