do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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