She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
