Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
