At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
