you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
