woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
