My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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