I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
