I haven't been this sober since birth.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
