I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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