Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
