He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
