I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize